Niamh- from the Irish, meaning “bright.”

This is a little unfortunate, because Niamh is the sort of girl who falls for chain letters and Nigerian scams. For the last two years, she’s been breathlessly telling her classmates that if you can’t cover your entire face with your hand, it means you have cancer. So far, none of them have let her in on the joke, but honestly, it probably wouldn’t matter even if they did. Niamh would probably just decide that the conspiracy for the promotion of small hands had got to them, too.

Orla- from the Gaelic, meaning “princess.”

And, indeed, Orla has a tendency to throw tantrums whenever things don’t go exactly her way. Like when Amy was elected Head Girl instead of her. Orla took that as a sign that each of the other hundred and ninety-nine girls in the Sixth Form had a personal grudge against her, as opposed to a sign that, well, there were a hundred and ninety-nine other girls in the Sixth Form. Anyway, Orla decided that they were all just jealous. It’s not clear what of.

Paula- from the Latin, meaning “small.”

Paula is six foot tall and beats up smaller kids. Some parents just like to tempt fate.

Quintana- from the Spanish, meaning “the fifth girl.”

This, as you might imagine, has caused no end of resentment in Quintana as she’s grown up. She spends a great deal of time looking for ways to punish her four older sisters for the crime of being born before her. Said sisters often find notes pinned to their classroom door telling everybody their bra size, which boys they fancy, and the details of that time they wet themselves at the garden centre when they were six. Quintana is truly merciless.

Unfortunately, Quintana has so far failed to take into account the fact that she also has two younger sisters with equally insulting names, and they are plotting. Ooh, are they plotting.

Rachel- from the Hebrew, meaning “ewe.”

Ewes have four stomachs, but Rachel must have about twenty to deal with some of the crap she eats. It’s not just a matter of going down to McDonald’s more than once a week- it’s a matter of eating pickled onions for breakfast and eight Mars bars for dinner. Her teachers try desperately to point her towards the Healthy Eating queue at lunch, but she usually only goes there for the slush machines. Her favourite flavour is blue.

Saoirse- from the Irish, meaning “freedom.”

Saoirse hasn’t told anyone this, but as soon as school finishes for the summer, she plans to disappear. She’ll hit the road and travel through Europe, with nothing but her backpack and her imagination. She’ll send her parents a postcard now and then, so they’ll know she’s alright, but other than that, she’ll be carving out a whole new life, entirely her own. She can’t wait.

Theresa- from the Greek, meaning “harvest.”

This is odd, because Theresa is actually banned from the Harvest Festival church service because of what happened when she was in Year Seven. In her defence, it probably wouldn’t have been such a complete disaster if Reverend Underwood hadn’t developed a habit of sneakily helping himself to the wine from the donations table (rationalising that the poor were better off keeping away from alcohol anyway). One sip of the bottle Theresa had taken from under her dad’s desk, and the congregation were treated to a sermon on that well-known book of the Bible, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.