We discover that Hubert doesn’t enjoy sex unless the women he’s with let him rough them up a bit and call them whores and bitches.  Surprise.  He also acts sniffy about the concept of “women’s liberation.”  Double surprise.  I mean, it is a movement based on convincing women that they have options in life beyond catering to the whims of Hubert and his pals.  I can see how that would annoy him.

The first-person narrator remembers buying a house with his wife, resenting the fact that she chose most of the furniture, and having sex in every room.  Following this, it’s The Iliad again, with Achilles lamenting over Briseis.  Then Hubert worrying about his love-handles.  One of these things is not like the other.

Also, it’s OK to cheat on your wife because everybody does it.  And rich men pay assistants to distract their wives from the fact that they’re cheating on them, so that’s doubly OK.  Good to know.

Hubert wanks over a photo of his underage girlfriend.  We finally have a confirmed age for him- forty-two- which just makes me wish I was reading Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy right now.  Arthur Dent is more man than Hubert will ever be.

More from The Iliad, then we have Hubert on holiday with his long-suffering wife.  He has a fancy new camera.  He is very proud of his fancy new camera.  His wife shows off the fancy new camera to another couple.  Hubert suspects that the husband is jealous because he cannot buy his own wife a new camera as fancy as this one.  After they’ve gone, Hubert’s wife refers to then as “a nice couple,” but Hubert knows his wife is foolish, because the husband is jealous of his fancy new camera.  This is beginning to sound like something from Clickhole.

There’s a bit about people going to see graveyards and monuments while on vacation.  I think it’s supposed to be profound.

Hubert goes to New Orleans.  You have probably guessed that he meets a beautiful young woman who is inexplicably attracted to him, and you would be correct.  Her name is Elena, and he knows her from a modelling shoot a few years ago.  We’re told that he only went after her because she’d been seen with another man previously.  I’m not sure if we’re meant to read this as jealousy or homoeroticism.  Could be both.

In the present day, Elena seems upset about something.  She married the other man instead of Hubert, and now he cheats on her.  Hubert, meanwhile, has a much younger girlfriend who thinks Elena’s top is too low-cut.  The moral of the story is, never dump Hubert.

The first-person narrator and his wife skip work and go for a romantic drive.  He assures us that he never really loved her.  There is then a discussion of the various meanings of “love,” and how it’s really about owning things.  Woman are things, after all.