Summer 1999

“I’m just warning you,” said Rachel, “I think she’s decided she wants him back.”

They’d gone out shopping, and ended up in one of those music shops just off the high street, the ones that sometimes had an album you were looking for when the bigger ones didn’t.  Kelly was aimlessly picking through the shelves while Rachel told her all the reasons why she needed to watch out for a girl named Gemma who went to St Margaret’s.

“I mean, she didn’t even go out with him for that long, but from what I’ve heard, she’s decided that she’s the love of his life, and no-one else can possibly compete.  So I’d watch my back, if I were you.”

“OK,” said Kelly.  One of the album covers had caught her eye.  There was a photograph of a zebra eating some grass on the plains, with a lion in the background about to pounce.  Kelly was sure she recognised it from a pamphlet they’d given out at the local zoo when she’d been about eight.

“Tell you what, if I see her, I’ll point her out, OK?  Before she has a chance to try something.”

“Yeah, thanks.”  Kelly lifted up the album.  The label read Mal Summers, and it was priced £3.

“Any time.”  Rachel nodded at the CD in Kelly’s hand.  “Are you going to buy that?”

*

The songs felt like they were about mountain ranges, tidal waves, towering redwood trees; all the things that existed in other, more extreme places; things built to a different scale from anything you saw in day-to-day life.

Kelly couldn’t tell whether the singer was a man or a woman.  Their voice had a creaky, crackly quality that could have gone with either.  And it was definitely the same singer on each song- the only person named in the liner notes was Mal Summers, over and over again.  No hint as to whether Mal was short for Malcolm, Mallory, or something else.  Practically the only other bit of information was the address of the recording studio, miles and miles from here.

*

“You could act like you’re enjoying my company,” said Jamie, and Kelly thought, If I was actually enjoying it, I wouldn’t need to act, would I?

But she tried.  She forced conversation even when her mind had gone completely blank.  She smiled so wide she thought she was going to pull a muscle.  It was never enough for Jamie.  “Don’t wish it was easier,” he told her one evening, “Wish you were better.”

Kelly’s mum tutted.  “Obviously you’re going to get on each other’s nerves now and then,” she soothed, “It can’t be all smooth sailing.  Relationships are all about give and take.”

*

There were songs as sad as having to leave a beloved place behind to decay.  There were songs as joyous as the clips Kelly had seen on TV of the crowds after the Berlin Wall came down, suddenly free of a massive weight that had been pressing down on them as long as they remembered.  There were songs as angry as… as angry as…

Actually, come to think of it, Kelly hadn’t been angry about anything in years.

*

Kelly and Jamie had gone to the park, and Jamie had spotted Susie and them and called them over.  Now Susie was sitting on the other side of the bench, with her arm thrown over Jamie’s shoulders.  “I bet you’re like me- you can’t stand being in all day, either.”

Jamie chuckled.  “Yeah, the great outdoors- that’s the life for me.”

Neither of them had said anything to Kelly in about an hour.  It was like she wasn’t even there.

“Oh, I was gonna say, I like your new haircut,” said Susie, flicking the ends of Jamie’s hair.  Her feet were actually in his lap now.

Jamie chuckled again.  “Thanks a lot.  I do my best.”

Kelly was getting a stiff neck.  She wondered if anyone would notice if she just wandered off.

*

There were songs about sex.  Actual, heat-in-the-groin, tenderness and urgency, tastes-and-smells sex.  No attempts to be cute.  No dancing around the edges with dirty jokes and clinical stuff.  These songs got straight to the point.  These songs told you all the reasons why people actually wanted to have sex, why they’d been doing it for millions of years, no matter how much trouble it caused.  And when Kelly listened to them, she didn’t think about Jamie once.

*

“Look,” said Rachel, as they walked to school, “He said to tell you that he only flirted with Susie to make you jealous.”

“Well, he mainly just made me annoyed,” said Kelly.  She hadn’t seen Jamie in three weeks.  It was a Berlin Wall kind of feeling.

Rachel made a tutting noise with her teeth.  “Look, I know you two can work this out.  He doesn’t want to lose you.”

“Tough,” said Kelly.  She almost felt like skipping the rest of the way.

*

There were songs about hurtling through the air at a thousand miles an hour, diving into the darkest depths of the ocean, and bursting into a cloud of molecules.  There were songs about coming to terms with your mortality, and facing it with grace.  There were songs about God, the Devil, and the first ape who started to think like a human.  There were harmonies and melodies that Kelly didn’t know the words to describe, but would have liked to find out.  And Mal Summers sang them all brilliantly.

*

One Saturday, Kelly walked up to Rachel’s house a bit earlier than they’d arranged, and arrived just in time to see Jamie leave, kissing Rachel goodbye at the door.

And all she could think was, Thank God.  He’s her problem now.

*

A week after that, Kelly bought a ticket that would take her on a three-hour train journey, to a town miles and miles away.  The town where that recording studio was.

She knew she wasn’t likely to run into Mal Summers himself (or herself).  She’d find the studio, just so she knew where it was, and then she’d wander around for a few hours, visiting the shops and seeing the sights, soaking up the atmosphere that had produced such amazing music.  But maybe if Kelly asked, she could get some extra information.  A fan club address, a second album she could order, something like that.  And maybe there was a chance- just a small one- that she and Mal Summers might actually meet face-to-face.

And if that happened- it wouldn’t, but if it did- Kelly was going to fall to her knees and beg them to teach her everything they knew.

The End

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