June 2006

Mike’s parents were throwing his grandfather’s birthday at their house this year.  Usually, that would have been no problem for Mike- he loved his grandpa- but it meant that Aunt Daisy and Uncle Ben would be coming over.  And, wouldn’t you know it, at the last minute they called Mum and said they’d be bringing their son, Isaac, too.

Mike’s parents had told him to be welcoming.  Fine.  He knew how to behave in front of guests.  But he wasn’t going to start feeling sorry for Cousin Isaac, not this time.  They’d given him enough of that after the car accident.  OK, it had been a horrible thing for him to go through, but it had only happened because he’d been hanging around with guys like that in the first place.  You had to watch the company you kept.  A cliché, yeah, but it was true.  And what were Ben and Daisy thinking, letting him go around with pusbags like that at three in the morning?  A-plus parenting, guys.

This time, three of his flatmates had been attacked in the street by some lowlifes they’d got themselves mixed up with.  Which, Mike was sorry, but it sounded like the same thing all over again.  How did one guy run up against the same type of people over and over?  At some point, you had to believe that it said something about him.  If you didn’t realise that, you were deluding yourself.

Isaac looked the same as ever- straggly, unwashed hair and too-cool-for-school sneer.  Apparently all he was learning at university was how to have bigger and better parties.  He’d brought a girl with him, someone called Natalie.  Mike didn’t think that Grandpa had actually invited her to his party, but apparently she’d shown up at Ben and Daisy’s house two days ago and they couldn’t just leave her there

“Thanks for having me,” she told Mum and Dad as they let her in, “I thought about bringing a bottle of wine, but Daisy said…”

“Oh, don’t worry about it,” said Mum, taking her coat, “We’re just glad you came along.”  Mike picked up on the subtext of what she’d said- We’re just glad there’s somebody here to watch Isaac.  Mike remembered all those times when they’d been kids, and things just seemed to go missing whenever Isaac came to visit.  Mike hoped he’d grown out of it, but he wasn’t too optimistic.

Anyway, once the party got started, Mike ended up stuck in a corner of the garden with Isaac and Natalie.  They were the only people there between twelve and forty, so that was just how it went.  “Isaac says you’re going to UCL next year,” said Natalie.

Mike nodded.  “Business Studies.”  Natalie had mentioned that she was studying English Literature and Animation.  Mike couldn’t help but feel that was a little shallow, what with everything that was going on politically.

“Mike’s gonna be the next Alan Sugar,” Isaac drawled sarcastically.  As if that was supposed to be a bad thing.

Natalie just smiled and nodded.  “I took out a prospectus from UCL last year. Didn’t have the grades for it, though.”  She took a sip from her drink.  “The thing that stuck in my head was the fact that they keep Jeremy Bentham’s body on-site.  Did you see it when you visited?”

Mike nodded.  “The auto-icon.  It’s in a display case.”

“Cree-py,” muttered Isaac.  Mike wished he could have said he was shocked.

Natalie turned to look at him.  “Yeah, but I like it.  They always say dead people are ‘gone but not forgotten,’ but in his case, it’s true.  You might forget someone who’s neatly tidied away in a grave, but not someone who’s staring at you from a glass case.”

“Yeah, but we can’t all do that.  There’d be mummies everywhere you looked. You wouldn’t be able to move for dead relatives.”  He played with the bottle-cap from his beer.  “Jeremy Bentham gets to be gone but not forgotten, but Joe Bloggs the butcher, he can just go to the cemetery and lump it.”

Mike scowled.  Isaac was just such a pusbag.  Here was Natalie, his friend, his guest at this party, and all he could do was shoot down her ideas. It wasn’t a surprise, though- Isaac had always treated people like that. It was as if he didn’t even understand that it was wrong.  Mike had even heard him talking back to Aunt Daisy in public, and, he was sorry, but no matter what you’d been through, you did not disrespect your mother like that.  Mum had said so many times, “If it was my son acting like that, I’d be ashamed.”  But not Ben and Daisy.  They’d let things slide so many times that they didn’t even know which way was up anymore.

“Well, they could always arrange it like that church in the Czech Republic,” said Natalie, “The one with the bone chandelier.  People actually have it written in their wills that they want to be a part of that.  You can’t see anyone’s faces, because it’s all skulls, but…”

“You can’t see Jeremy Bentham’s face, either,” Mike interrupted, “The head’s a replica.”  He leaned towards her.  “But you’re right.  It’s a powerful reminder.  When you look at him, you’re reminded of all the people who’ve gone before you.”

Isaac made a childish raspberry sound.  Mike ignored him.

Natalie nodded.  “I think that’s what I like about London in general.  All these ancient historical monuments squashed right up next to coffee shops and newsagents.”

“But… well… don’t you think that cheapens them a little?” asked Mike, “People can just rush straight through St Paul’s Cathedral and then go back to clothes shopping and stuffing their faces.”

“I don’t think that’s a bad thing.  If you’re going to rush through something just because it’s easy to visit, then you probably wouldn’t have visited it at all if it wasn’t.  So at least then, you get to see it.”

Mike nodded.  He didn’t know where a pusbag like his Cousin Isaac had found a friend like Natalie, but she was something else.  You could actually talk to her.

Isaac, of course, just looked bored.  Probably irritated that Natalie was paying attention to any guy that wasn’t him.  “Mike doesn’t think the peasants should get to visit cathedrals, do you, Mike?”

Mike glared at him.  “That is not what I said.”

Isaac put on a braying posh-boy voice.  “Yaah, the plebs will just rush through St Paul’s Cathedral and then go right back to stuffing their faces.”

“That’s not what he said, Isaac,” muttered Natalie.

“It’s what he meant.”

Mike could feel his cheeks burning.  “So you can read my mind, can you?”

“As good as.”

“You don’t know anything.”  Mike stood up, knocking over his glass as he went.  “Your brain’s so fried-up with whatever you’ve been taking, you’ve probably got the memory of a goldfish by now.”

Isaac laughed.  “‘Whatever I’ve been taking’?”

Mike kept control of himself.  If there was one thing he’d learned throughout his life, it was how to keep a cool head.  “You don’t know anything.  It was nice to meet you, Natalie.”  And then he turned round and walked off before he could say anything he regretted.

Across the room, Mike spotted his grandparents chatting to some of Grandpa’s old work colleagues.  He went over to join them.  He might as well show them that one kid here knew how to behave respectfully.

Grandpa was talking to that friend of his, the old guy from the council.  Some people might not have understood how important his kind of work was, but when you had a grandfather who’d run for mayor twice, you got used to following local politics.  Mike stood politely to one side, waiting for Grandpa to introduce him.

After a few seconds, Grandpa seemed to do a double-take.  “Oh, Jim, you remember Michael, don’t you?  Lily and Bill’s oldest boy?”

Jim leaned forward to look at him.  He was old, like Grandpa, but his eyes were sharper than most people’s.  It wouldn’t have paid to underestimate this guy.  “You’re Michael?  No!  Last time I saw you, you were this high!”  He held out a hand around waist-height.

Mike smiled.  “I’m eighteen now, sir.  I’m going to UCL in September.”

“Well, congratulations!”  Jim put out a hand so that Mike could shake it.  “Big future ahead of you!”

Mike felt himself turn pink.  He was used to hearing that from his teachers, but coming from a man who’d seen as much life as Grandpa’s friend had, it meant more.  “Thank you.  People say their Business Studies course is second to none.  I’m sure I’ll learn a lot.”

“I’m sure you will,” Jim turned back to Grandpa.  “Did you read about that…”

“I’ve already got a job lined up for when I get there,” Mike added, “I’ll be working in the offices of McIntyre and Burton.  They’re a local manufacturer.”

“Really?” said Jim, “Good for you.”

“I think it’s important to work your way through university, instead of relying on your student loan.”  Mike’s mouth was running away from him, he knew, but it was just so rewarding to meet someone who valued the same things that you did.  “I was raised never to assume that things were owed to me.”

Jim nodded.  Mike might have been imagining it, but he thought he looked impressed.

*

Walking over to the barbecue, Mike saw Isaac running around the lawn, pointing a water pistol at Mike’s little brother and their cousins.  Clearly he’d found his level. Mike spotted Natalie sitting in a deckchair on the patio, in between his mother and Aunt Daisy.  He smiled, and walked over.

“Ooh, listen to this, Mike!” said Mum, as soon as he came into earshot.  “Do you remember that article in the Sunday papers a couple of weeks ago?  The one with that beautiful dining room?”           

Mike nodded.  He liked looking at pictures of old houses.  It was good to see something that had been looked after and passed down through the generations.  “Josephine something, right?”

“Josette Lambton!”  Mum waved an arm towards Natalie.  “And Natalie used to work for her!”

Natalie smiled, looking a little embarrassed.  It was amazing how she commanded your attention.  She wasn’t supermodel-beautiful, but there was something about her that caught your eye.  “It was only for a couple of weeks.  Her son asked me to…”

“It was through her son!” Mum enthused, as if that was the cherry on the cake.

Mike chuckled.  “Really?”  Once again, he couldn’t help but wonder what a girl like Natalie was doing with his cousin Isaac.  Maybe she thought she could make a go-getter out of him.

Natalie looked down demurely.  “Like I said, it was only for a couple of weeks.”

Mike would have pursued this further, but at that point he spotted Grandma standing out in the sun, wiping sweat off her brow, and went over to check on her.  She insisted that she was fine, just a little warm, but Mike made sure that she sat down somewhere with a lot of shade, and then he went to fetch her a drink.  On his way, he had to narrowly avoid being soaked by Isaac, who was waving the garden hose around.  Mike would have liked to go over there and teach the pusbag a lesson, but in the end he let it go.  Life was too short.

*

“I caught them trying to teach the dog to climb onto the car roof,” announced Uncle Chris, sitting down in a deckchair with a bottle of beer, “Have you ever heard anything so ridiculous?”

“Whose car roof was it?” asked Dad.  The men of the party had gathered near the barbecue so that they could keep an eye on things, and Mike had gravitated towards them.  They’d even passed him a bottle of beer, without even commenting on it.

“Mine.  Don’t worry- your Mercedes is still in one piece.”

Dad laughed.  “Is the dog alright?  After her adventures?”

“I think she was a bit disappointed, to be honest.  They’d been training her for the last half-hour.”

Uncle Ben laughed and shook his head.  Mike didn’t think he was in any position to look down his nose at Uncle Chris’ kids- after all, it was probably his son who’d given them that idea in the first place.  It sounded like exactly the sort of thing Isaac would try and pull.

With that thought in mind, Mike scanned the garden, trying to work out where his cousin was and what he was up to.  He didn’t spot him, but he did see Natalie, on her own, sitting in the same corner they’d been in at the start of the party.  Mike made his excuses to his father and uncles, and went over to join her.

Natalie looked ethereal, like a ghost girl fading into the atmosphere, but when she looked up and saw Mike, her face lit up.  “Alright?  How are you doing?”

“Never better.”  Mike sat down, absent-mindedly tapping his thumb on the mouth of his beer bottle while he thought of something to say.  “So… Josette Lambton, huh?”

Natalie sighed.  “I wish I hadn’t mentioned it now.”

“So do you still work for her?”  Even as he said it, Mike remembered her saying, It was only a couple of weeks, but maybe she’d just wanted to be modest.  Maybe there was more work in the pipeline, if she played her cards right.  Mike knew how important it was to make connections early on.

“No.”  Natalie looked him right in the eye.  “To tell you the truth, I quit.  She was horrible.”

That was a disappointment; Mike couldn’t deny it.  Jobs were hard to come by.  When you were given an opportunity like the one Natalie had been given, you didn’t throw it away.  You worked hard to make the most of it. 

Something must have shown on Mike’s face, because Natalie leaned in and said, “Listen.  You heard about our friends, right?  How they were attacked?  Well, one of them called me at work while it was happening.  She did it by accident.  I picked it up and heard her screaming, and it scared the shit out of me.  But when I told Mrs Lambton about it, she just took my phone off me and told me to get back to work.  And that’s when I quit.”

Mike took this in, and thought about it.  “But… well… were you anywhere near where they were?”

“No.  I didn’t even know where they were.  I had to get a taxi back to our house and figure things out from there.  I didn’t even…”

“So there wasn’t anything you could have done to help them?”  Mike tapped his beer bottle again.  “So, really, it wouldn’t have made any difference if you’d stayed and focused on your job?”

Natalie stared blankly at him.  She’s probably trying to work out whether to agree or slap me, Mike guessed.

There was a loud crash behind them, and suddenly everybody was shouting.  Mike looked round, and saw that the barbecue had toppled over, and his father and uncles were desperately trying to stamp out the fire that had started on the lawn.  A few yards away, the dog hid behind a bush with a bunch of freshly-cooked sausages in her mouth, looking pleased with herself.

*

The party mostly petered out after that.  People started to leave after realising there wasn’t going to be any real food, which left Mike and his parents to deal with the burnt patch of grass in their garden.  Thanks a lot, guys.  Very helpful.

Uncle Ben and Aunt Daisy were one of the last pairs to leave, which, if you asked Mike, added insult to injury.  Mike’s parents had enough to deal with without having to worry about what Isaac was doing while they weren’t looking.  And, frankly, who had been the one teaching the dog to misbehave in the first place?  If they’d had any decency, they’d have left right away and let Mum and Dad clean up their mess in peace.

Instead, just as Mike was tidying away the deckchairs, his pusbag cousin came up to him.  “Need any help?” he asked.

Mike wasn’t sure if this was a trick or something, but he liked to give people the benefit of the doubt, so he played along.  “Could you just pick up those last two chairs and bring them to the shed?”

Isaac nodded, and followed Mike across the lawn to the shed.  Once there, Mike put the remaining chairs inside, closed the door and put the padlock back on.  The end of another party.

“Listen,” said Isaac, “I wanted to say sorry for earlier.”

Mike turned around and goggled at him.  He couldn’t have been more surprised if Isaac had announced he was going to go and join a monastery.

“I shouldn’t have picked a fight with you like that.  It was petty.”  He scratched at the side of his jaw.  “So, I’m sorry.  I just wanted to say that before we headed off.”

Mike shook his head.  He didn’t know what Isaac was up to here- maybe just more of his pranks, or maybe he’d seen Mike talking to Natalie earlier and hadn’t liked it- but he wanted no part of it.  He elbowed past Isaac and made his way back into the house as quickly as possible.  It didn’t pay to let yourself be alone with a pusbag like him.