July 2006

Jana’s daughter had been born on the twenty-first of June, so she’d called her Helena.  Originally she’d wanted it to be Titania, but Mariam’s mum had talked her out of it.

“She’s perfect,” said Jana, “Seriously, isn’t she the most beautiful baby you’ve ever seen?  Those eyes…”

“Mm,” said Mariam, feeling a bit guilty because, to her, Helena looked more or less like every other baby she’d ever seen.  She had quite a lot of hair, which probably counted for something.  Maybe Mariam just didn’t have the right maternal instinct.

“She’s like a little sunbeam,” continued Jana, “The best parts of me and Philip, rolled up into one.”

Back at Mariam’s parents’ house, there had been dark mutterings about Philip.  She’s making the same mistakes her mother did, Mariam’s dad had said.  Mariam knew that her parents were hoping she’d use her week in Ilkley to try and talk some sense into her cousin, but she also knew that Jana probably wouldn’t be told.  Jana was three years older than Mariam, and she knew best.  That was what she’d told her every time they’d argued as kids, and that was what she’d say if Mariam started anything now.

*

Mariam was in the shower when she heard the door buzzer go off.  At first, she assumed that Jana would get it, but then she remembered hearing the front door open and close a few minutes previously.  Not much Mariam could do about it, anyway- she was dripping wet, her left leg was covered with shaving cream, and she wasn’t about to answer the door in a towel.  The buzzer went off a second time, and then, about thirty seconds later, she heard the door open and close again.

Mariam left the bathroom expecting to see that Jana had come back, but instead she saw Philip, packing the shopping away in the kitchen.  “My arms were full,” he explained, “Didn’t you hear the doorbell?”

“I was in the shower,” said Mariam, opening up the fridge so she could put the cheese and vegetables away.

“Oh.”  Philip’s shoulders seemed to relax a bit.  “So you didn’t hear it\?”

“Yes, I did hear it,” Mariam explained slowly “But I was in the shower.”

For a few seconds, Philip gave her a tight-lipped look, as though he was going to say something.  Then he just carried on putting the cans away.

*

Jana had put together a whole astrological chart for Helena.  “She’s got a fifty-per-cent chance of making it to a hundred and fifty,” she told Mariam “Imagine that.”

“How do they know that when nobody’s ever made it to a hundred and fifty before?””

Jana shrugged.

Helena’s star sign was Cancer, but only just.  One day earlier, and it would have been Gemini.  But that didn’t make much of a difference, because they were both water signs, which meant that Helena was going to grow up to be imaginative, but with a healthy sense of scepticism.  She was also going to grow up to be sensitive to pain, because that wasn’t a reasonable description of just about everyone on the planet or anything.  “Jana, do you actually believe this stuff?  Because I don’t remember you ever being into horoscopes before.”

Jana shrugged again.  “I just think it’s interesting, really.  Here’s Helena, right at the start of her life, and that life could go any one of a million ways.  We don’t know.  So… I’m speculating, I guess.”

“Hm.”  Mariam read a little more of the chart.  Apparently, Helena was going to be outgoing, grateful and candid, but also prone to health problems in the thorax.

There was thirty seconds or so of silence.  Jana’s face changed, as if she was trying to decide whether or not it was a good idea to say what she wanted to say next.  “Listen… how are you doing?  Really?”

“I’m fine,” said Mariam, gently.

“It’s just, this is the first time I’ve seen you since…”  Jana waved her hands around by way of finishing the sentence.  “It was frightening.  Frightening enough for me, and I didn’t even hear about it until it was all over and we knew you were safe.  I can’t even imagine how it was for you.”

Mariam shook her head.  “I got off light.  Rosalyn got her collarbone broken, and Alex is lucky he can even move and talk after what happened to him.  Compared to that…”

“It doesn’t mean that what happened to you wasn’t bad, just because what happened to them was worse.”

“Jana, I’m fine.  Really.”

Jana held her hands in her lap.  They twitched.  “Just… sometimes, you let things eat away at you.  Remember when there was that fire at Swordpoint Books?”

Mariam froze.  She’d never told Jana- or anyone else- exactly what had happened that night, and she wasn’t about to start answering questions about it now.

“That bothered you for months.  I could tell, but I didn’t know how to talk to you about it, and…  Well, I wish I’d tried harder.”  Her hands twitched again.  “And if this is going to bother you like that did, then I want you to know you can talk to me.  OK?  I won’t try to make a big deal about it, but you can.”

Mariam sighed, in relief as much as anything else.  “Thanks, Jana.  That actually does mean a lot.  But…”

“…But you’re fine.  OK.”  Jana smiled.  “If you insist.”

“I do.”

*

On her first and second nights at Jana’s, Mariam had been woken up a couple of times by baby Helena crying out in the next room.  On the third night, however, she was woken up by raised voices.

“There is no reason for you to have those pictures on your phone!”

“Jana, you’re being ridiculous!  I just got curious!  Men do!”

“What if I went around digging up pictures of the men I work with?  Would you be OK with that?”

“Honestly?  Yeah!  Because it’s harmless!  Listen…”

Mariam pulled her pillow over her head to block out the sound.  This was obviously nothing she needed to hear.

She’ll never stop trying to turn him into Prince Charming, Mariam’s mum had said with a sigh, Girls like her never do.

*

On the fourth day, the postman rang the doorbell so that Jana could sign for a package.  A few minutes later, Philip stepped out of the bathroom and went over to Mariam.  “Hey,” he said, with a smug grin, “Turns out you can hear it from the shower!”

“Never said you couldn’t,” replied Mariam, not looking up from her book.

(To be continued)