What Sandy Did at Half-Term (part 10)

Sunday Night (Halloween)

Nan and Granddad said that Sandy didn’t have to go back to school tomorrow if she wasn’t feeling up to it, but, much as Sandy could have used another day to get all her homework done, she thought she’d be relieved to get back and see her friends.  The sooner this half-term was well and truly in the past, the better.

As Sandy sat in the dining room, finishing off her last bit of Geography homework (a tourist brochure advertising the town of Cheddar, which Sandy’s teacher was pretty sure would soon replace Ibiza as the hottest holiday destination in Europe), it occurred to her that today was Halloween.  Most years, she’d have regretted not taking the time to invite her friends round to watch scary films and eat candy vampire teeth, but this year she was OK with sitting it out.  She’d had about enough of spooky things for now.

Sandy packed her books away in her bag for tomorrow morning, sand went to the living room.  With any luck, she’d be able to persuade Nan to change the channel to The Simpsons.

When she got to the living room, Nan was on the sofa, watching Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?.  Except, as Sandy found out when she went up to her to ask for the remote, she wasn’t watching it at all.  She’d fallen asleep, with her head thrown back against the top of the sofa cushions.  Sandy frowned.  It was only six o’clock.  This wasn’t like her at all.

She touched Nan’s hand.  It was cold.

Sandy didn’t give herself any time to panic.  She didn’t even give herself a second to think about what might have happened.  She just placed her hands a centimetre or two above her nan’s ribcage, roughly where she thought her heart might be, and began to hum.

After about a minute, Nan’s eyes opened.  “Hm?  What are you up to?”

Sandy might not have given herself any time to panic, but some of it must have got in anyway, because she practically felt like wilting in relief.  “You were asleep.  I was trying to…”

“Oh God, was I?”  Nan sat up and rubbed her eyes.  “Teach me to try and pull double shifts down at the pub.  I suppose I’ve missed most of this, haven’t I?” she asked, nodding at the TV.

Sandy shrugged.

“Well, here.”  She handed Sandy the remote.  “You might as well watch whatever you like- I’ve no hope of following this at this point.”  She sighed.  “Falling asleep in the afternoon.  Just like an old woman in a deckchair on the beach.  Whatever you do, don’t let your grandfather hear about this- I’d never hear the end of it.”

“OK,” said Sandy, “My lips are sealed.”  And she changed the channel.

The End

What Sandy Did at Half-Term (part 9b of 10)

Sandy ran through the rain, trying to keep her eye on the tree while dodging… whatever it was she had to dodge.  Every so often, she’d feel something swipe through the air beside her, just missing her.  The storm seemed to be throwing it off, but not completely.  Sandy raced ahead, shoes splashing through the mud, and she thought, Find out what her limits are.  She’s got to have limits.

But why was she assuming that?  It wasn’t as if Sandy had any.

She’d had a plan for the tree, but now Mrs Jaeger had thrown her off.  She wasn’t even sure if she’d have been able to do it, anyway.  All she’d been able to manage last time was a few wriggling branches.  That wasn’t enough.  Nowhere near.

Sandy hit a large puddle, and felt her foot sink into the mud below.  Struggling for balance, she put her other foot down, but the same thing happened.  Before she worked out what was going on, she was in up to her knees.  She was sinking into the puddle.

Sandy grasped for something solid, but there wasn’t anything.  Even the ground had gone soft and muddy with the rain.  She was up to her stomach now, grasping at grass that came away in her hand.  Mrs Jaeger stood over her and laughed.  “You’re going to have to turn the weather off now!”

Sandy thought about it, just for a second.  If she made it stop raining, there was no guarantee that she’d be able to get out of the puddle, especially with Mrs Jaeger standing right over her.  And if she turned off the weather, Mrs Jaeger would know that she’d managed to scare her, and go in for the kill.

Instead, Sandy reached to the side and grabbed a longer clump of grass.  It began to snap in her hand, but before it fully came away, she’d managed to hoist herself far enough up the grass bank for the tree to be within reach.  With her free hand, she reached out and slapped the tree with her palm, as if she was in a relay race.

And her palm stuck to the bark.

Sandy tried to flex her fingers, and the branches flexed instead.  They reached out to Mrs Jaeger, who tried to run.  The muddy ground slowed her down, and the branches found her wrists and ankles and wrapped as tight as they could.

She struggled.  Little fires kept breaking out among the branches, but they didn’t last long in the rain.  Every so often Mrs Jaeger would jerk upwards, as if she was trying to shoot into the sky like a rocket, but the branches kept their grip.

After a couple of minutes, when Sandy had managed to hoist herself out of the puddle and watch Mrs Jaeger slowly give up, the branches finally lowered the old woman to Sandy’s level.

Sandy looked at Mrs Jaeger, trapped in the branches, and sighed.  Part of her wanted to tell the tree to squeeze tighter and tighter, until the old woman was safely dead and would never bother her again.  But she was cold and wet and covered in bruises, and mostly she just wanted to sit down for a minute.  “If I let you go, do you promise to leave me alone?”

Mrs Jaeger grinned, a little sheepishly.  “Doesn’t look like I’ve got much of a choice, does it?”

*

Sandy spent most of that evening in the police station, telling them about the strange woman who’d beckoned her outside, beaten her up, and run off.  Sandy was pretty sure the police would never track down Mrs Jaeger in a million years, but she’d needed to tell Grandpa Buckland something to explain why she’d come back to the table with a split lip and clothes covered in mud, and she’d been too exhausted to make anything up.

She was sitting on one of the plastic chairs in the hallway, waiting for the next person to come along and ask her questions, when Grandpa Buckland handed her a plastic cup of tea.  “Not exactly Earl Grey,” he told her, “but it should settle your nerves.”

Sandy took the cup, and smiled back at him.

“I’ve called Shirley and Arnold.  They’ll be her to pick you up soon.”  He sat down and sighed heavily.  “Not much fun, having to explain to them that their granddaughter got beaten to within an inch of her life on my watch.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” said Sandy.

“It happened less than ten yards away from where I was sitting.  I should have been at least that observant.”  He sipped his tea.

“You thought I was just going to the Ladies’.  You didn’t know that was going to happen.”

Grandpa Buckland smiled at her.  “Still.”

A policewoman, one of the ones Sandy had spoken to earlier, came over to them.  “You’re free to go now.  We’ll circulate a description, make sure everybody knows who to watch out for.  She can’t have gone far.”

Grandpa Buckland nodded.  “Have you checked the restaurant’s CCTV?”

Sandy frowned.  She hadn’t thought of that.  If there was any tape of what had happened, that could definitely lead to some awkward questions.

“They’ve said they’ll give us what they can, but they only really film the inside of the building.  It’s not likely to be too helpful, I’m afraid.”

Sandy relaxed.

The policewoman bent down a little so that she was more on Sandy’s level.  “Now, Sandy, I don’t think you’re likely to see this woman again, but if you do, tell an adult and they can report it to us.”

Sandy nodded.

“But don’t be afraid.  Don’t let this stop you from enjoying your life.”  She nodded towards Grandpa Buckland.  “Remember, there are people in your life who’ll protect you no matter what.  That’s the great thing about being a kid- if you’re worried about anything, you can just tell an adult and let them deal with it.  Take advantage of that while you still can.”

Sandy nodded.  “I’ll keep that in mind.”

What Sandy Did at Half-Term (part 9a of 10)

(I’ve decided to put up the ninth part in two sections, as a reassurance that it’s actually getting written.  I’ve had the tenth part finished for a while now- it’s just this one that’s causing me problems.  Part 9b will be up soon.  A lot sooner than this was, anyway.)

Saturday Night- Grandpa Buckland

When they’d got to the restaurant, Sandy had seen a little patch of grass around the side of the building, with a sickly, spindly oak tree near the edge.  That was good.  She could use that.

Grandpa Buckland was admiring his glass of wine from underneath, as if he wanted to see how the restaurant would look if it was yellow and covered in bubbles.  “This is rare stuff,” he told her, “I don’t think there’s anywhere in a hundred miles that makes a blend as soft as this.”

Sandy forced a laugh.  “Grandpa, I don’t know what half those words mean.”  For the nineteenth or twentieth time, she glanced out of the windows at the stony white courtyard in front.  Still empty.  It wouldn’t be for long.

Grandpa Buckland laughed.  He was permanently jolly, all thick grey hair, expensive sunglasses, an aftershave that you could smell three metres away.  “Sorry.  I keep forgetting that not everyone’s an old drunk like me.”  He looked at the glass again, then added, “Would you like a sip?”

“No thanks.  You enjoy it.”  She glanced outside again.  Still empty.  She thought she knew what she had to do tonight, but she’d have to be careful.  You always did, when people like Mrs Jaeger were involved.

Grandpa Buckland shrugged, and took her advice.  “Probably just as well.  I remember when I took your father out for his thirteenth birthday.  I ordered Grey Goose, but I didn’t notice how often he was filling his glass until it was too late.  He spent the next morning in bed with a pounding headache.  Your grandmother hit the roof.”

“God, really?” asked Sandy.  Grandma Faith had died before she was born, but she and Grandpa Buckland had been divorced for a long time before that.  Sandy thought she could probably see why.

“Really.  I tell you, Sandy, there’s nothing as scary as an angry Irishwoman when she’s got you in her sights.  She almost…”

And Grandpa Buckland’s words faded away, because Sandy had just seen a small figure waiting out in the courtyard.  An old woman with straggly hair and sharp yellow fingernails.

Sandy swallowed, choking down any hint of a scream, and turned back to her grandfather.  “Is it OK if I use the loo?” she asked. 

Grandpa Buckland chuckled.  “OK, but hurry up.  Starters will be here in a minute, and your plate is probably going to look pretty tempting to me if you’re not here.”

At that moment, Sandy couldn’t even remember what she’d ordered.  She couldn’t imagine eating anything ever again.  “OK.  I’ll be quick.”  She got up and headed to the entrance.

It hadn’t been that loud in the restaurant, but in the courtyard, it seemed as if all the sound had suddenly died off.  No cars on the road nearby.  No birds in the trees and bushes.  No wind to disturb anything.  Just Mrs Jaeger, standing there with her hands in her pockets, waiting for Sandy. 

“You ready?” she asked.

Sandy nodded.  Her head felt as if it weighed ten tonnes.  “But not here.  Not where people can see.”

Mrs Jaeger scratched her chin.  “Then where do you suggest?”

Sandy looked around for the patch of grass with the oak tree.  For one crazy moment, she was convinced that it would have disappeared and left her with nothing to back her up, but there it was, right where she remembered.  “Round the side, there?”

Mrs Jaeger took a long, careful look at it, then nodded.  “Alright, then.  Round the side.”

She didn’t move, so Sandy turned and walked towards the patch of grass.  She glanced behind her, and saw Mrs Jaeger gradually begin to gather herself up and follow her.  Sandy turned back to the tree.  Maybe if she could get it to move, she could have.

Something hit Sandy in the back of the head, and she fell to her knees.

“Shouldn’t have turned your back on me, should you?” Mrs Jaeger cried out in glee.  She was still three or four yards behind Sandy, which shouldn’t have been surprising.  Somebody like her didn’t need her actual fists to hit you.

Sandy barely had time to scramble onto the grass before it happened again- something rose up from the ground and hit her on the chin, slamming her jaw shut with a painful scraping of teeth against teeth.  She looked around for the tree, and something else gripped the hair on the back of her head and pulled sharply.  For an instant, Sandy found herself looking up at the clouds…

…but an instant was all it took, because thunder rumbled and the clouds burst with rain.  A flash of lightening lit up the sky, and Mrs Jaeger cried out in alarm and ran away just in time.  Whatever had been pulling Sandy’s hair loosened its grip, and she scrambled to her feet.

(To be concluded.)

The Lazenby Family Papers (part 17)

Here’s a confession:  I have absolutely no idea what to do with this series, and, while I’ve been dithering about it, I’ve neglected to actually finish any pages.  That in mind, over the next few weeks, I’ll be putting up the remaining pages more-or-less as they are.  Apologies for the lack of colour in this and subsequent updates.

What Sandy Did At Half-Term (part 8 of 10)

Friday Night- Uncle Nicky

“How are you doing that?” asked Uncle Nicky, “I can’t even do that trick with the invisible ball and the paper bag.”

Sandy shrugged, and looked back at the card.  It was the Queen of Spades, kind of dog-eared at the corners and with a weird brown stain where tea or beer had splashed on it once, and Sandy had just made it move clockwise around Uncle Nicky’s kitchen table without touching it.

She was brainstorming, in a way.  The old lady- Mrs Jaeger, if that really was her name- would be back at some point, and Sandy wouldn’t be able to catch her off-guard a third time.  Part of her hoped that she wouldn’t even need to, that maybe the old lady was bluffing.  It wasn’t as if Sandy had ever seen her doing anything supernatural.  Maybe she couldn’t.  But then Sandy would remember the way Sonny had growled when he’d seen her, and the way she’d known exactly who’d caused that bloke’s voice to go away at the fete, and decide that she couldn’t take that chance.  She needed to come up with a plan.

“Are you blowing on it?” asked Uncle Nicky, “You have to tell me if you are.”  He put his bottle of John Smith’s down on the table, considerately away from the card’s path.  “I saw this clip on telly once with that James Randi bloke…”

“No,” said Sandy, “I’m not blowing on it.”  Which was the truth.  But she wasn’t going to tell him how she was doing it, and she wasn’t going to do anything that she wouldn’t be able to explain away if it all got too freaky.  Otherwise it would be Amy’s sister and the tree all over again.

“I’d like to see you try this with a Ouija board,” said Uncle Nicky, “You could be one of them fake mediums.  Make a killing.”  Ever since Sandy was a toddler, Uncle Nicky had been fascinating to look at.  He had so many tattoos and piercings that you felt as if you’d never be able to count them all.  There was always one that you’d never noticed before, like the spider just behind his ear or the name “Debbie” on his calf.  It was as if he was a human Where’s Wally puzzle.  “I’ll be your agent, if you like.  We’d be partners in crime.”

Sandy laughed, and looked back at the card.

The thing with the tree hadn’t been something she’d done because she was angry, or because she wanted to do someone a favour.  It had happened because Sandy had looked at a tree and let her mind wander.  That was all it took, apparently.

She’d been walking through the park with her friend Amy and Amy’s little sister Chloe, and she’d found herself staring at a willow tree and thinking of how much it reminded her of a film she’d seen once, a cartoon where the trees had suddenly grown cruel, scowling faces and grabbed the heroes with their branches.  And just as she’d been thinking that, the tree had moved.

Sandy hadn’t even been shocked, at first.  She found herself moving her hands, and watching the branches mirroring her, moving to the left and the right, and then towards the three of them as she beckoned them in…

And then Chloe had screamed.

Sandy shifted the card to the middle of the table, and let it lie still.  “OK, that’s enough of that,” she said, stretching out her arms as a warm-down exercise.

Uncle Nicky chuckled.  “The old inner eye getting tired, is that it?”

“Yeah,” said Sandy, who wasn’t completely sure what he meant but got the basic idea.

“Well, we can’t have it getting Repetitive Strain Injury.  Last thing you need.”  He pointed to the living room door, across the hallway.  “Want to take a break and watch some crap telly?”

“Sure,” said Sandy, getting up from her chair and leaving the card on the table.

Amy, who hadn’t seen it properly, had told Chloe that the tree had just been moving funny in the wind.  Sandy had backed her up, but it had taken a long time for them to convince Chloe, and even then, she’d looked pretty pale and shaken.  After that, Sandy hadn’t been able to kid herself that she was imagining things, or that everything she did was basically harmless.  She hadn’t done anything as big and unmistakable as that since then.  Even the thing with the hailstones on Sunday was the kind of thing that could be explained away- weather changed quickly sometimes, no big deal.  But doing something as blatant as the tree was too much of a risk.  People might see, and not be able to explain it to themselves.

But whatever she did when she saw the old lady again, it was probably going to have to be even bigger and more blatant than that.  It would have to be, if she wanted to scare her away.  Otherwise she’d never get rid of her.

Sandy sat down on Uncle Nicky’s sofa, and thought.

A second SPECIAL BONUS STORY

Because it turns out that I like this one better than I remembered.

***

A Note from Mala Voluntad

Graffiti found in a stall in the ladies’ toilets at the Pizza Hut in Shakespeare Avenue, Monday 17th May:

sex is evil

sex is a game

5 minits of plesha

9 munths of pain

baby’s a bastard

husband’s a git

all because the fukin

condom split

 

Sex is wonderful, pure and bright,

Sex is fantastic, when you do it right.

First of all, you ought to take

A pill or two if the condom breaks.

If you do get pregnant, repeat after me-

It’s no longer nineteen fifty-three.

You won’t go to a fallen women’s home

As soon as your predicament is known.

If you’re not pro-choice, that’s up to you,

But don’t marry the guy if you don’t want to.

And lastly, take your lives in hand:

Don’t sleep with men who you can’t stand.

 

Boys like it good,

Boys like it fine,

Nine months later

They say, “It ain’t mine!”

 

Boys like it good, boys like it fine.

(If you don’t like it too, then they’re not worth your time.)

Please regard the above advice;

I can’t be arsed to tell you twice

About condoms, pills, and shotgun marriage.

I really don’t mean to disparage

Your IQ, but try your best-

There are such things as DNA tests.

 

Sex, drugs and rock n roll,

Speed, weed, and alcohol,

Life’s a bitch and then you die,

So fuck the law and let’s get high!

 

Sex and drugs?  I’m not a prude-

They’re fun when you’re in a good mood.

But when your plans have hit a hitch

And you start to feel that life’s a bitch,

Stay sober, seek out helpful friends

To bring your troubles to an end.

For chemicals can use your woe

To turn your brain into your foe.

Solve your problems, bear their brunt,

And then take all the drugs you want.

 

k so my bf keeps tellin me that i need to lose weight

but like i dont think i look that bad but he says hes

embarrassed 2 be seen with me 😦  what do u think?

 

Well, that didn’t rhyme at all.

“Support” series- Update and SPECIAL BONUS STORY

Ladies and Gentlemen, may I have your attention please!

As I said last December, half my earnings from the “Support” series go to Amnesty International.  Unfortunately, so far, that’s meant that Amnesty International has £14, so I’m plugging it again.  You can now buy the whole of the “Support” series on Kindle for £21.71.  Please do so.  It’s great.

As a further incentive, please accept this SPECIAL BONUS STORY, featuring a heartbroken DJ.

***

A Note from Mala Voluntad

Playlist for the Ivory Bar, Saturday 1st May, 10:15am to 11:20am

 Friday I’m In Love- The Cure (3 minutes, 36 seconds)

An upbeat tune guaranteed to stir warmth in even the most jaded soul.  Its humorous, deceptively simple lyrics provide an interesting contrast to the plaintive, almost pleading melody, stirring memories of happier times.  And yet its very lyrics make it clear that this too will pass.  Doesn’t it always?

Mr Rock and Roll- Amy Macdonald (3 minutes, 40 seconds)

This song strikes a wistful note right from its introduction.  It tells a story of missed connections, missed opportunities, and regret.  In the end, Macdonald assures us that “there’s a happy ending every single day,” but don’t you believe it.

Wide Open Space- Mansun (4 minutes 31 seconds)

A stark, tense song that will make you shiver with nameless dread.  Few other songs capture the sheer bleakness of the first stages of heartbreak.  Sweeter, sadder, angrier break-up songs can come later, but for now, there’s nothing but cold isolation and sinister chants in the background.

Roads- Portishead (5 minutes, 7 seconds)

This song sounds like the burial of hope.  Where it is played, no grass can grow and no birds can sing.  Beth Gibbons’ voice sounds as fragile and doomed as life itself.

Introducing The Band- Suede (2 minutes, 37 seconds)

A song that struggles up from the humble beginnings of an instrumental warm-up, taking nearly a minute of its two-and-a-half-minute running time to actually get started.  As it builds to a determined close, it sounds like a vaguely robotic zombie rising from the dead.  No matter how stark and miserable life seems, there’s always hope for recovery, and don’t let anybody tell you any different.  Let the century die indeed.

Thank U- Alanis Morissette (4 minutes, 19 seconds)

A song about personal growth, acceptance, and letting go of your regrets.  With its allusions to a higher power, it comforts you with the knowledge that few things are so terrible that you can’t at least learn a thing or two from the experience.  Though I don’t know if anyone will ever learn what the “transparent dangling carrots” are.

Beyonce- Best Thing I Never Had (4 minutes, 15 seconds)

Screw you, I’m feeling emotional.

Besides, this song strikes a note of dismissive defiance, but the sheer level of vitriol suggests that the narrator just might be protesting too much.  The chorus is a lot of fun to sing in your angriest voice after a few vodkas.

Neil Young- Southern Man (5 minutes, 31 seconds)

Midnight Oil- Beds Are Burning (4 minutes, 36 seconds)

Pet Shop Boys- It’s A Sin (5 minutes, 11 seconds)

There’s a certain sense of danger to the best protest songs- a warning in the introduction working up to a near-scream in the chorus.  Turn up the music loud and belt it out like your life depends on it.  Genteel Southern racism, mistreatment of indigenous people, the suffocating double-standards of the church…  If you’re going to be angry, it might as well be about something that actually matters.

Natalie Merchant- Wonder (4 minutes, 16 seconds)

I’m really not sure what to say about this one.  Overcoming a disability?  Something about self-worth and confidence?  I dunno.  I’d have to look up what it’s actually about, and I’m far too lazy for that.  Still, it’s about time we played a song that actually sounds happy.

R.E.M.- Pilgrimage (4 minutes, 38 seconds)

Paired with the Natalie Merchant track for reasons, this is pure excitement distilled in song form.  The sheer joy of starting a long journey is clear from the guitar-infused bridge, building from the laid-back verse to the unbridled chorus.  It’s a great, big, beautiful world, and if you don’t start now, how will you ever get to see it all?

Pink- U + Ur Hand (3 minutes, 33 seconds)

Why yes, this is the second song on this list with “you” spelt as “U” in the title.  Once again, screw you.

This is a perfect teeth-gritted, blowing-off-steam kind of song, railing away at the sheer presumptuousness of those who’d disrupt a rare good mood just because they’ve decided that now is the moment to grace you with their presence.  As if your feelings don’t matter, and you’re just an object that exists for their convenience.  Who the hell do they think they are?

Two Birds- Regina Spektor (3 minutes, 20 seconds)

A gently sad song played on piano and drums.  It tells of the unfortunate necessity of letting go of what weighs you down, no matter how painful that might be.  After all, if you’re truly “two birds of a feather,” you’ll end up heading in the same direction anyway.

The Seahorses- Hello (2 minutes, 22 seconds)

The beginning of this song sounds like a sunrise after a long, miserable night.  Its tone of gentle contrition and reconciliation is hard to resist.  We’re all human, after all.  We’ve all made mistakes.  We can all make an effort to overcome them.  And we’re nothing without each other.

Friday I’m In Love- The Cure (3 minutes, 36 seconds)

The thing is, if the love only exists on Fridays, is it worth anything?  Is it best to enjoy the happiness while it lasts, or does it lead to an unpleasant rollercoaster of emotions in which you’re never sure where you are?  It’s a beautiful song, but it’s only three and a half minutes long.  What happens when it stops?  Do you ever actually think about these things?

The tune’s still nice and happy, though.  There is that.

(Off on break.  Back in an hour.)