
Christmas at Sycamore Avenue

Itâs only a month until Christmas, so letâs have a heartwarming seasonal tale. This story is a year in the making- I was supposed to put it up last Christmas, but then my laptop abruptly decided that it didnât want to upload anything. Probably just as well, to be honest- I doubt Iâd have got it finished in under a month. As it is, Iâm only a week and a half ahead on colouring.
From now until Christmas Eve, Iâll be posting a page a day (two pages starting on the 21st), both here and on DeviantArt. I hope you like it!
(P.S.- It occurs to me that, between this, âAlan Sugar May Not Approve,â and the thing Iâm planning next, Iâm going to be doing three stories in a row set in secondary schools. Luckily, theyâre all quite different plot- and character-wise, but Iâm definitely going to have to avoid that setting for a while afterwards.)
Alan Sugar May Not Approve (part four)
Thursday
Later on, Harry said that they should have known how it was going to go when they saw that all their alien posters had been torn down. Initially, theyâd assumed that one of the teachers had taken them down because they were in the way of something important. It was only after everything went wrong that they noticed a couple of them, screwed up and torn in half, in one of the bins.
For the first half-hour, though, things were fairly peaceful.  Gwen had retired her sash and her basket after yesterday, so she was able to sit around with Amber and Harry, talking about how awful the morning presentation had been.
âMarketing is everything,â said Gwen, in a state of awe.
âWe know, Gwen,â said Harry, âWe were there.â About halfway through the PowerPoint presentation, Mrs Denham had got weirdly passionate. It had been a strange thing to behold.
âBut didnât you hear, Harry? Marketing is everything.â
âMake yourself useful and count out our earnings from yesterday.â
âMarketing is love. Marketing is life.â
âGwenâŚâ
A few stalls to their right, Ben West was arranging his stock, and doing his best to ignore one of Kayleigh Collierâs friends, who was sitting on the end of his table and giving a monologue. âHey, Ben? Ben? Why do you have, like, a family of spots on your forehead? Ben? Why donât you wash your face to get rid of them? Ben? Donât you wash? Why donât you, like, throw hydrochloric acid in your face to dissolve them? Ben?â
Harry nodded towards them. âI wonder what thatâs called?â he asked Amber and Gwen, âScoping out the competition?â
âAggressive sales tactics?â suggested Amber.
If theyâd looked around, they might have seen the group of Year Eight boys whispering in the corner, pointing at their stall and snickering. But even if they had, they probably wouldnât have been able to do anything about it. In the end, they just moved too fast.
âIf you ask me,â said Gwen, âMrs Denham wants them toâŚâ And then an empty Coke bottle hit her on the side if the head.
Soon they were under a barrage of rubbish. A scrunched-up can hit Harry on the chin. A full packet of crisps burst on Amberâs chest and went down the front of her shirt. The Year Eights advanced, hurling food packets and screwed-up bits of paper, until they got right up to the stall and got hold of the things that Amberâs group been selling. The ceramic figurines they just threw, laughing at the crunching sound as they bounced off their targets and shattered on the floor, but once they got to the shampoo and perfume, it went everywhere. They opened up every bottle they could get their hands on and poured the contents all over the table and on the floor. One of them spun in circles, a bottle of alien shampoo in each hand, as green liquid sprayed and splattered around him like a deranged fountain.
âWhat on Earth is going on here!â came a voice, and, in an instant, the Year Eights scattered. It was probably the first time Amber had ever been pleased to see Mrs Denham.
She finally got up and looked at the table. It was a mess- most of the products they were meant to be selling were gone, and the ones that were left were covered in sticky gunk and completely ruined. And, as she looked at the corner nearest the wall, her heart sank even further. Their box of Denham Dollars had gone. With all their earnings from the last four days in it.
Amber glanced to the right, and saw Kayleigh Collier trying very hard not to laugh.
*
 “So what happened?â asked Cousin Hope that evening.
Amber brushed the front of her T-shirt. Sheâd changed her clothes and had a shower, but she was still pretty sure she could feel the crisp crumbs itching away. âMrs Denham got hold of most of them. We got the box back, but all the Denham Dollars were gone. They said they couldnât remember where they threw them.â They were all getting a weekâs detention, but it was hard for Amber to find that very satisfying.
âAnd I suppose thereâs no way to prove that Kayleigh Collier put them up to it?â
âI donât even know for sure that she did,â said Amber, but even as she said it, she knew it wasnât true. That look on Kayleighâs face afterwards had said it all. âThe boys all said they just did it for a laugh.â
Cousin Hope sighed. âWell, you wanted to be honest, and Kayleigh Collier threw it right back in your face.â She squeezed Amberâs shoulder. âItâs not too late to go back to my original plan, you know.â
Amber thought about it, then nodded. âDo you think you could get two hundred Denham Dollars printed off by tomorrow morning?â
âFor you, honey, anything.â
(TO BE CONCLUDED.)
An Epic Literary Romance
(Or, why I donât borrow books from my mother anymore)
Dave is angry. I donât know when he became angry. Maybe he became angry at ten past five, or maybe at quarter past five. Heâs not saying anything, but I know heâs angry. I wish the sun was out. âI like the sun,â I say to Dave, but he doesnât say anything in response. Maybe the sun makes him angry. He says something, but I donât hear it. Why does the sun make him angry? The sun is nice. I remember being a child, playing with the snails on the pavement. The snails were slimy and sticky. I liked the snails. I like the sun. Dave is angry.
Dave has ragged nails. They look like the edge of a saw. The French word for ânailsâ is âongles.â I tell Dave this, and he gives me a funny look. Dave is angry. Last night I had a dream that Daveâs nails turned into saws and broke free to slice up anything they liked. I tell Dave this, and he doesnât say anything. And then I remember that Dave has actually been dead for twenty years. Fancy me forgetting that!
Alan Sugar May Not Approve (part three)
Wednesday
This time, it was Kayleigh Collier herself whoâd got Mrs Denham. She stood to the side as the confrontation started, hungry for blood.
Mrs Denham glowered. âGwen Braithwaite, what on Earth do you think youâre doing?â
Gwen stood there in her purple sash (actually a dressing-gown belt borrowed from Hopeâs friend Lizzie) and beamed. âItâs like you said in the presentation this morning, miss- youâve got to spend money to make money.â And then she, Amber and Harry all held their breath and waited to see whether or not Mrs Denham bought it.
Theyâd known all along that this would be a difficult thing to explain. Gwen had spent the last hour or so wandering around the hall with her sash and her basket of Denham Dollars, challenging Year Eights to answer three questions. Anyone who answered the questions correctly got five free Dollars. The trick had been to track down all the girls Tessa Collier had conned money out of yesterday and give them questions like âWhat is the capital of France?â while the other kids had got âWhat is the square root of 167?â or something. The latter group had included Tessa herself, whoâd then followed Gwen around for ages insisting that since sheâd got one question right, she should get two tickets, or whatever one third of five was. Then sheâd disappeared, most likely to complain to her sister, which was probably how Mrs Denham had come to know about it.
âYouâre giving away your Denham Dollars?â demanded Mrs Denham, gesturing to Gwenâs basket.
“Only a few,â said Gwen, holding up the basket so that Mrs Denham could see the ten Dollars floating around inside. It was just as well that Mrs Denham had only come sniffing around now- theyâd started out with fifty. That would have been a lot harder to explain. âWeâre making an investment in the community. Weâre taking a risk and giving up a few of our Denham Dollars to spread goodwill and good word of mouth. If weâre lucky, weâll get it back about ten times over.â
Mrs Denham nodded. She almost looked impressed (as well she might- that was most of her presentation on Monday that Gwen had just regurgitated.)
Kayleigh glanced at Mrs Denham, and let out an angry huff. She stretched out an arm to point at Gwen. âAsk her why she gave Denham Dollars to all the Year Eights except my sister and her friends!â
Gwen shrugged. âThey got the questions wrong.â
âYouâre cheating! Youâre just bribing the Year Eights to come to your stall instead of anyone elseâs!â
Mrs Denham turned to look at Kayleigh. âWhy would they bribe the Year Eights to give them back their own money?â
Kayleigh spluttered in rage. âListen, my little sisterâŚâ
âKayleigh, Iâve had quite enough of this. I defended you to Gwen and her friends on Monday, but if youâre trying to pursue some kind of vendetta, then it can stop right now.â
âBut Miss!â
âBack to your stall, Kayleigh,â said Mrs Denham, her face taking on that stony look that nobody could argue with. Defeated, Kayleigh headed back.
A few minutes later, after Mrs Denham had gone and Kayleigh and her friends had found something to distract them (going up to Fiona Westâs stall, pretending they wanted to ask her something, then burping in her face), Harry whispered to Amber, âDid your cousin really offer to print out a hundred Denham Dollars at first?â
Amber nodded. âShe gets carried away sometimes.â
Alan Sugar May Not Approve (part two)
Tuesday
On Tuesday afternoon, Amber put twenty shampoo bottles on the stall. Fifteen of them were the usual golden-brown colour, but the other five were bright green and labelled Limited Edition- Alien Formula.
Mrs Denham, whoâd come round to check everyoneâs stall before the Year Eights were allowed in, looked at the green shampoo and frowned. âThis is not what you were told to sell, Amber.â
Amber, whoâd been expecting this, smiled. âWeâre developing our brand identity, like you said. Weâre trying to stand out from the market.â Amber was really, really proud of her alien idea. Cousin Hope had just wanted to add red food dye so it wouldnât look as if it had been watered down, but then Amber had seen that they had the green kind left over from Halloween, too. Sheâd wanted to add it to all the bottles, but Gwen had persuaded her to start with five and see how well they sold. That was probably best.
âAmber, you were given a specific product to sellâŚâ
âItâs the same product,â interrupted Harry Barnes, the third member of Amber and Gwenâs group. He hadnât been the biggest fan of their idea, mainly because he was worried theyâd get into trouble for the watering-things-down aspect, so Amber was pleased to hear him speak up. âThe green food dyeâs just a marketing gimmick. People can still wash their hair with it, same as before.â
Unable to think of a suitable put-down, Mrs Denham stared at the green bottles for a good twenty seconds. âJust donât forget what this contest us all about,â she said eventually, âItâs not about how creative you can be; itâs about how much you can sell.â And, with that, she wandered off to annoy somebody else.
Gwen smiled at the others. âWell, that could have gone a lot worse. Thanks for sticking up for us there, Harry.â
Harry folded his arms and made a grumbling sound. âIf you get disqualified, so do I, remember.â
Amber glanced over at Kayleigh Collierâs stall, but luckily Kayleigh and her team didnât seem to have heard any of the alien shampoo discussion. They were too occupied with throwing screwed-up bits of paper at Fiona West and giving themselves points when they hit her on the head (Fiona and her brother Ben were the only people in 9F whoâd had to go into a two instead of a three, so they were a bit of a soft target.) Theyâd find out eventually, especially if the green shampoo turned out to give Amberâs group an edge, but at least they had a head start for now. âHarry?â asked Amber, âIf me and Gwen stay here and make a start on the selling, could you dash back to the IT rooms and put together some posters to advertise the alien shampoo?â
Harry brightened up. Heâd been complaining all yesterday afternoon about being stuck in the loud, crowded main hall for hours. âI think I could come up with something.â
âBrilliant,â said Gwen, âWeâll hold down the fort while youâre gone.â She looked over at Kayleigh Collierâs table, where theyâd started to squabble over who got to throw the paper next, and grinned.
 *
Harry took a while to get back, but that was OK. The alien shampoo had started to draw a crowd almost immediately. OK, it was a crowd of Year Eights, who tended to hedge their bets and look at every stall in the main hall before they parted with even one of their Denham Dollars, but still, by the time Harry got back from sticking the posters up around the hall, theyâd managed to sell four green bottles and two regular ones.
Kayleigh Collier and her friends had definitely noticed by now. It was hard to miss the crowd that had gathered around Gwen and Amberâs stall. Even the Year Eights that Kayleigh and Paige had jumped in front of and tried to draw in with their rap number (âWeâve got home-wax and shampoo, bracelets galore / If you want to wow your mates, shop at Stall 24!â) had tended to step around them and continue on their way to the stall with the green bottles. As the afternoon wore on, Kayleigh spent more and more time glaring a hole through the back of Amber and Gwenâs heads.
After heâd stuck all the posters up, Harry returned with some news. âDid you know that Kayleigh Collier has a sister in Year Eight?â
Amber cringed. âUh-ohâŚâ
âSheâs called Tessa,â said Harry, âSheâs got a gang of friends together, and theyâre going round guilting other Year Eight girls into giving her their Denham Dollars.â
âGuilting them?â
âYou knowâŚâ Harry raised his voice to mimic an annoying Year Eight girl. âTessa just wants her sister to be happy. Come on, donât you want Tessa and her sister to be happy? Do you really need shampoo and combs and ceramic frogs that badly? Tessa and her sister have actually had a really hard time lately, and all Tessa wants is for her sister to do well in the competition. Youâre taking that away from them just because you want ceramic frogs. And then eventually the other girls give them their Denham Dollars just to shut them up,â Harry concluded, snorting in disgust.
Amber considered this. âHas Kayleigh had a really hard time lately?â she asked.
âWho cares?â muttered Gwen, âWe have a really hard time every time we get within a mile of her.â
Harry shrugged. âI donât know. But I wouldnât take her sisterâs word for it, either way.â
Amber nodded. She looked over at Kayleigh, still glaring at them, then turned back to the others. âI think we might have to go back to Cousin Hopeâs first idea.â
Alan Sugar May Not Approve (part one)
MondayÂ
Amber tried to explain that they werenât allowed outside help, but Cousin Hope wouldnât listen. Sheâd got that stubborn look as soon as sheâd heard what Kayleigh Collier had done.
âRight,â said Cousin Hope, putting her hands on her hips, âRun this past me again. This weekâs Enterprise Week, which means that everyone gets a big bag of crapâŚâ
âItâs not all crap,â Amberâs friend Gwen interjected, âSome people get shampoo and makeup, and some people⌔
âLike I said, everyone gets a big bag of crap.â Cousin Hope was twelve years older than Amber and Gwen, so they didnât argue. âAnd for the rest of this week, youâve got to advertise and sell your particular crap to the Year Eights, but they arenât allowed to give you any actual money. OnlyâŚÂ What were they called?â
âDenham Dollars,â said Gwen. She opened up her bag and took out the paltry nine theyâd managed to earn today. Most of the other groups had got at least thirty. âBecause Mrs Denhamâs the head of Business Studies, and it was her idea.â
Cousin Hope picked up one of the Denham Dollars and inspected it. She didnât look impressed, probably because it looked more like a purple raffle ticket than actual money. âYour dad is not going to like that she called them âdollarsâ instead of âpoundsâ,â she told Amber.
“She only called them that for the alliteration,â explained Amber, âThere isnât anyone in the Business Studies department whose name begins with P.â
Cousin Hope shrugged, and she handed the Denham Dollar back. âWell, it looks easy enough to forge, whatever itâs called. All we need is a scanner and a pack of purple construction paper.â
Amber frowned.
Cousin Hope raised her eyebrows. âToo unethical?â
âTwo wrongs donât make a right,â mumbled Gwen. She didnât sound too enthusiastic, but Amber knew she meant it. Winning the contest by printing off hundreds of Denham Dollars just seemed⌠cheap, somehow. Too easy. It would take all the fun out of it.
âIf you say so.â Cousin Hope clasped her hands together and stretched. âBut weâve got to think of something, or Kayleigh Collier and her friends will walk away with the prize and never learn a thing. How many shampoo bottles have you got left?â
They had fifteen. Theyâd been given twenty this morning, and theyâd actually managed to sell two, early on. The other three had been the ones Kayleigh Collier had stolen.
If theyâd been allowed to choose for themselves where their stalls were going to go, Amberâs group would have done just about anything to avoid being next to Kayleighâs. She was one of those people who wasnât happy unless someone else was miserable. It didnât seem to matter who it was- she was just as content trying to trip up the boy with the stammer in Maths as she was pouring Dr Pepper all over Paige Williamsâ bag for flirting with a boy she liked. If there was a small, subtle way of getting at someone, one that wouldnât cause a huge amount of trouble but would make their day just a tiny bit worse, Kayleigh was in her element. Amber was pretty sure that Kayleigh did want to win the Enterprise Week contest, but she knew that hadnât been her only reason for doing what sheâd done. Kayleigh did stuff like that just for the sake of it.
Amber had barely turned her back for two seconds, and when sheâd looked back round, her stall had two shampoo bottles fewer and Kayleighâs had two more. And, just in case she hadnât noticed, Kayleigh had looked away and let out a low, snorting giggle. Gwen had gone straight to Mrs Denham, but sheâd been no help. Kayleigh had given her big innocent eyes, and Mrs Denham had told Gwen and Amber that a poor workman blamed his tools. And for the rest of the day, Kayleigh had just grinned at them.
Cousin Hope picked up a shampoo bottle, held it between two fingers, and examined it. âIt doesnât look exactly like the little pots of jellybeans they sell at the corner shop, but itâs close enough.â She reached into her back pockets, fetched out some change, and handed it to Amber. âGo to the shop and get me five loads of jellybeans.â She shook the shampoo bottle. âWeâre going to start watering this stuff down.â
The Fountain
On reflection, Charlene didnât know why she was surprised. This kind of thing happened every time she stayed over at Luceâs.
It was three in the morning, and Charlene and Luce were standing around the fountain in the high street. They were surrounded by closed-up shops and sinister-looking shadows, but the fountain was lit up from underneath and glowing a brilliant blue. Just as well, or those photos Luce was taking would have been a total waste of time. She wasnât even taking them on her phone- sheâd brought out one of her dadâs old Nikon cameras especially. Luce believed in being thorough.
About four metres up, in the pool at the top of the fountain, Charleneâs sister Amber floated on her back, her hair fanning out in the water behind her and her hands crossed over her chest like a corpse in a coffin. And it was still April. Charlene just knew that her parents would blame her if her little sister got pneumonia.
âDo you think Iâd get a better angle if I stood on that bench?â asked Luce.
Charlene shrugged. She didnât know much about camera angles. She also didnât know what would happen if a police officer or a security guard came along and saw what they were doing. Most likely heâd just move them along and tell them that it was far too late for three nice young ladies to be out on their own, but there was just a chance that there was some obscure by-law that meant that mucking about in the fountain was something they could caution you over. That was the sort of thing that Charlene often worried about when she was out with Luce.
At the top of the fountain, Amber turned slightly towards them. âSorry?â
âDonât move your head, Amber!â Luce called back, âWe want to keep your hair looking exactly like it does now.â Luce turned her back and climbed on top of the bench.
Luce was right about Amberâs hair- it was spread out around her head in a shiny black semicircle, collecting the occasional petal as she floated from side to side. She was wearing a lacy blue dress that Luce had sworn was hers rather than her motherâs (not that Charlene had ever seen Luce wear any dress, let alone a fancy lacy one), and her lips were painted a dark, wild-cherry shade of red. Luce had spent most of the evening trying to get Amberâs clothes and make-up just right before they set out.
It had all started when Amber had mentioned the book she was reading. Well, no- it had all started when Luceâs parents had decided to go away overnight and Luce had asked Charlene and Amber to stay over and keep her company. But if Amber hadnât mentioned the book, there was a chance that they would have spent the evening watching films and eating pizza in Luceâs living room. Maybe not a huge chance, because this was still Luce we were talking about, but a chance.
The book was about a community of homeless kids living in a big city, and Amber loved it. Sheâd spent ages telling Charlene and Luce about how exciting the plot was, how much she identified with the heroine, and how she though everyone should read it. One scene that had particularly captured her imagination involved a character named Jessie, whoâd been murdered by a gang of thugs working for the corrupt mayor. Instead of quietly burying or cremating her, Jessieâs friends decided to break into a park in the rich part of town and float her body in the lily pond, so that she would be found first thing in the morning by some of the rich families who preferred to pretend that the homeless kids didnât exist. Amberâs eyes had lit up as she described Jessieâs body floating along like Ophelia, with lilies in her hair.  Sheâd wondered aloud if someone could try that with the fountain in the high street, which was basically one big oblong on top of a bigger one. And when Luce was around, nothing stayed hypothetical for long, so here they were.
âYouâre doing great, Amber!â called Luce, as the flash went off again and again.
Charlene wondered how long theyâd been out here, and how long they were going to stay. It probably wouldnât be more than about half an hour. Even if Luce didnât get bored, Amber would probably start complaining about the cold before long. It was just a matter of waiting it out.
Later on, Charlene felt a little guilty for thinking that. If sheâd been concentrating less on waiting and more on keeping an eye on her sister, she might have noticed that Amber was floating dangerously close to the edge. As it was, she was looking down at the pavement when she heard Luce say, âHey, Amber, you might want toâŚÂ Oh fuck!â
Charlene looked up just in time to see Amber float over the edge and fall, face-first, into the water below.
&&&
In the end, they were lucky. Amberâs nose stopped bleeding after a minute or two, so they didnât have to go to A&E.
âWell, we managed to get some good photos out of itâŚâ said Luce by way of apology. Sheâd spent most of the walk home delicately hovering around Charlene and Amber, as if she was worried that getting too close would lead to a kick in the shins. Charlene hadnât yet decided whether it would or not.
âIt would have been OK if weâd had an anchor,â said Amber. She was still wet through. Luce had lent her her jacket for the walk home, at Charleneâs insistence.
âHmm,â said Charlene. In between checking her sisterâs nose for signs of swelling (or anything else their parents might notice), she made a mental note to borrow Amberâs book at some point tonight. If there were chapters later on where the heroine got tied to the railway tracks or set herself on fire, it was best to know while she still had a chance to tear some of the pages out.
Hubert: the Musical!
Last week, I was at karaoke, singing “Happy Hour” by the Housemartins (because, as we’ve established, I’m cool like that), when I noticed something about the lyrics. What with the lines “where the haircuts smile / and the meaning of style / is a night out with the boss” and “he tells me that women grow on trees / and if you catch them right they will land upon their knees,” it could be a theme song for anybody who has ever had to put up with the Hubert Puberts of the world. So I decided to put together a Hubert-themed playlist, as a (hopefully) final goodbye to girls and all who sailed in her.
“Help The Aged” by Pulp: A song about what Hubert wants in a relationship (“give a hand, if you can / try and help them to unwind / give them hope and give them comfort / cause they’re running out of time“).
“Material Girl” by Madonna: What Hubert imagines that women see in him (“cause the boy with the cold hard cash / is always Mr Right“).
“Now You’re A Man” by DVDA: I’m not going to spoil the lyrics for you- just click on it and listen for yourself (but not if you’re around small children). It’s very Hubert, especially the second verse.
“See You Later, Alligator” by Bill Haley and his Comets: In honour of the heroic alligator farmer early on in the book.
“Pretty Vacant” by the Sex Pistols: An accurate description of Hubert’s dream woman.
“Jilted John” by Jilted John: What happens whenever Hubert makes the mistake of competing with a man who has actual positive traits, such as the alligator farmer or Clay the copper (“Oh, she is cruel and heartless / to pack me in for Gordon / just cause he’s better looking than me / just cause he’s cool and trendy“).
“Baby One More Time” by Britney Spears: OK, the lyrics don’t have much to do with Hubert, but the song was obliquely referenced in the book itself, so it seemed worth putting in. Plus, the video features a pretty eighteen-year-old dancing around in a school uniform, so Hubert probably watches it on repeat constantly.
“Perfect” by Alanis Morissette: Hubert’s vision of ideal parenting (“don’t forget to win first place / don’t forget to keep that smile on your face“).
“He’s Misstra Know-It-All”” by Stevie Wonder:Â A depiction of Hubert’s business practices (“makes a deal / with a smile / knowing all the time that his lie’s a mile“).
“Stacy’s Mom” by Fountains of Wayne: In honour of Hubert’s strange, five-year-old-harassing friend (“and I know that you think it’s just a fantasy / but since your dad walked out, your mom could use a guy like me“).
And, of course, “Don’t Stand So Close To Me” by The Police.
(I’m sure we all wish that Hubert would take the title literally.)
girls (part ten)
Unfortunately, I will be unable to continue my reviews of girls, as I seem to have destroyed my copy in a fit of rage.

(Letâs just say the plot was full of holes.)
It was that dig at Lolita that finally did it. When your first novel is a blatant knock-off of another, much better-known, book, itâs probably not a good idea to throw in sneering references halfway through. Itâs not even as if Lolitaâs one of my favourite books, but thereâs a reason that itâs considered a Twentieth Century classic while girls was on sale for ÂŁ1.99 in The Works less than two years after its first printing. For one thing, Vladimir Nabokov actually gave his characters names.
Beyond that, I just couldnât stomach another moment in this strange parallel world where justice and compassion are a myth, nothing is more important than money and power, and all men secretly want to go to bed with twelve-year-olds.* I suppose you could interpret my giving up as evidence for J.T. LeRoyâs quote about the razorblades pressing in too close, but, by that logic, the same is true of YouTube comment sections, because Iâve given up reading those as well. Saying the most infuriating thing you can possibly think of doesnât automatically make you worth listening to.
Iâm sure that, at some point in the last sixty pages, there was some kind of plot twist in which Hubert and Business Cat realised exactly how moronic everything theyâd said, done and thought so far truly was, but it had got well past the point where it would have been worth it. Quite apart from the horrible characters, the book was a load of pretentious wank that seemed to think that disconnected musings about anything that came to mind was the same thing as being profound. People make fun of E.L. James for essentially publishing her fanfic, but I think Nic Kelman might have essentially published his dream journal.
My only regret is that I now have no excuse to post any more of my silly mouse drawings. But Iâm sure Iâll survive.
*True, I am not myself a man, nor can I read their minds, so I donât have any definite proof that they donât. But Iâd say that, in a case like that, the burden of proof is really on the person making the claim, wouldnât you?